Skip to main content

Posts

Is it?

 I’m so fucking sad right now. And the saddest part is, I have no one to talk to. Alone, sad and hurt. Is this the end?
Recent posts

Perasaan.

Hidup berubah 180 darjah. Sampai kadang rasa hilang diri sendiri, sebab penat dengan benda baru, penat dengan orang baru. But you Aisyah Inara, is a blessing to my life. I can’t describe it now, but you are. Dan perasaan aku, perasaan bodoh-bodoh aku masih bermaharajalela. Kadang marahkan benda yang entah apa-apa. Sebab ya, aku penat. Tengok Aisyah Inara tidak menghilangkan penat itu, tapi menghentikannya sekejap. Sekejap. Bagi mami tengok Aisyah puas-puas dulu, dengar Aisyah borak banyak-banyak dulu, baru mami sambung dengan perasaan penat ini. Part of me rasa perasaan tu tak bodoh-bodoh pun. Memang patut pun aku berperasaan begitu. Aku pun penat, aku pun perlu me time. Aku pun rasa taknak bangun tengah malam, taknak bagi susu badan, taknak settle hal anak, taknak settle hal rumah. Tapi aku tak boleh. Aku nak buat. Tapi aku penat. Another part yang lain pulak rasa ini sememangnya perasaan bodoh-bodoh. Sebab, bukan kau sorang je penat. Bukan kau sorang je berusaha untuk keluarga. Bukan...

Something inside.

Me before nikah: - Already ask Aslam about getting contraceptives. I would like to take them a month before nikah. But he said, no need (he had other option which only 30% success, which I know nothing about) - Aslam said we’ll be ready to get pregnant two years after nikah. But then he said, one and half year. Me after nikah: - I still don’t want to get pregnant so early. This girl is getting a baby? She’s still a baby! - I’m fat. I’d look fatter. I may be the fattest woman in this universe. Me after 3 days late: - Bought a UPT. Sorry, two - Didn’t talk to Aslam (as it was all his fault (if I’m really pregnant)) - First test= negative. But didn’t satisfied because feel something fishy. Never late for period - Aslam knew I didn’t like this. Talk me out of it. So what? It’s our child, lol. Not someone else’s. ++ I’m getting older (like he said) - Feeling okay after that. At least I know I’m not alone. Me after 5 days late: - Second test= positive - Smile - Told Aslam - Will test again a...

Better.

I really want to be a better version of myself. Not only for myself (that’s the most important), but also for the people I love. And especially for you, my dear Aslam. But I’m not getting any closer to something called better (I guess) 😂 And what I realized, so did Aslam. But (there’s a but- please read me first) how can he be better when he already THE BEST?! “Sepatutnya orang yang buat maggi ni kan. Bukan awak.” Aslam: Kenapa pulak? “Sebab orang isteri. Pastu sebab awak yang nak pergi kerja, so oranglah yang kena sediakan.” Aslam: Yeke macam tu? “So salah ke?” Aslam: Ada yang betul, ada yang salah. “So apa yang betul, apa yang salah?” Aslam: Betullah. “Betul?” Aslam: Ha betullah ni maggi. Bukan blablabla *memain* Get to know you, get to marry you, but still can’t get inside your head. Tapi memang macam tu pun. Aslam bukan jenis nak fikir-fikir ni kerja siapa, tu siapa patut buat. Dia bukan jenis nak fikir hal remeh-temeh (really opposite from me) sebab banyak lagi benda berfaedah ya...

New life begins!

Alhamdulillah for today. Alhamdulillah for life as HIS humble servant, Aslam’s wife, mama’s daughter, a sister, a friend and as Siska Kiko’s mommy. Alhamdulillah! Tak banyak beza pun (konon) kehidupan selepas kahwin. Aslam banyak tolong (banyak sangat even dia pergi kerja, aku cuti lama) macam contoh semalam dia yang goreng nasi untuk sarapan harini (sebab dia tahu Nurul Izzaty ni sangat-lah failed bab goreng-goreng eceh, padahal banyak je lagi benda failed). Start semalam Aslam kerja pagi, sebelum gerak mesti dia tunggu kejap tengok aku kunci pagar dulu baru dia gerak. If that was not love, I don’t know what is ehek. Pastu pagi tadi lepas salam, Aslam cium dahiiiiiiiiii. Ada je dia cium dahi sebelum-sebelum ni tapi bukan lepas salam. Rasa berbunga-bunga hati dengan butterfly sambil gajah menari tengok harimau kejar rabbit. Meriah betul hati aku pagi ni! Tak terfikir pun nak bukak blog baru after married. Ingat nak stop and tulis ringkas je apa-apa benda kat Twitter. Tapi rasa macam an...